Another Day Is Dawning
This will be a new home for my journal entries.
My LiveJournal account is more or less defunct now, having chronicled the search–lasting fourteen years–for the woman who is my true love. I found her, lost her, was prevented recovering her, let her go, and then finally found her again. This time, there won’t be any more separations. The two year interval was filled with pain and suffering, and sufficed to instruct me in those virtues I lacked: self-sacrifice, diplomacy, and moderation. Those agonies were the crucible which made me worthy of my Thea, at long last.
I have begun the process of applying for doctoral programs. This is, initially at least, a terrifying procedure. I have always doubted my capabilities and had a low opinion of what I am capable of, so I view my prospects with pessimism. Yet my friends, colleagues, and instructors have been universal in their praise and reinforcement so that, just a little bit, I feel that I might make something of myself after all. I have been told that a successful career awaits me. I hope that is the case.
My thesis has received a perfect grade, my GRE scores are excellent, and I should do well on the subject test as well. My grades are very good, I have many letters of recommendation at my disposal, and I can call upon professors in two departments to vouch for my capabilities. I should be all right. (I am still nervous, though.)
Thea and I have considered buying a house: there are many options open to us through close family connexions. It is quite affordable, but we are not certain where I will be next autumn. Therefore, we have decided to wait until the spring. Then, I will know where to look, and we will investigate housing opportunities. It will be nice to finally be free of the expectations currently levelled against me.
Catherine and Heathcliff
At the moment I am looking forward to the future with a mixture of trepidation, anxiety, and impatience. I have only just concluded one great effort; rewriting Wuthering Heights so that it has a happy ending; an ending where Catherine and Heathcliff are reunited. Perhaps that was not accomplishment enough: a further task is required. Thus the doctoral program. I will be accepted, of course. It is strange that I should wonder about it. It is almost a foregone conclusion. I found Thea again because it was meant to be so, and the intervening situation existed to get me into graduate school again. Thus I am being pushed back onto the path that I left two years ago: the path where Thea and I had our own place and I was on a path to my Ph.D.
I thought, back then, that it was impossible to find my way back; that it could not possible transpire that I should recover my future. Rather, I had resigned myself to living out a different path from that which had been intended. Yet here I am, and all is restored. Only I am a better person, and everything I have been given anew is better than that which I had before. Truly, God is merciful and wondrous. I, deserving nothing, have been given everything. And this–this is why my motto is and ever shall be ecce magnificentia fidei.
